Healing from Codependency & The secret of how to Fall in Love with Yourself, PART 1
In the last video I talked about Acceptance being the first step to healing. The next step is to learn who you really are and then work on loving yourself again.
How can you fall in love with yourself again?
Have Self-Awareness and learn about yourself:
Where are your Boundaries?
What are your Needs?
How is your relationship with your Emotions?
I love the following quote by Brene Brown, ?The truth is: Belonging starts with self-acceptance. Your level of belonging, in fact, can never be greater than your level of self-acceptance, because believing that you are enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic, vulnerable and imperfect?.
In my marriage of 23 years I had no boundaries:
I never stood up for myself, always did what I was asked to do even if I didn?t feel like it.
I never had an opinion on my own when asked what I wanted to do. I always let my partner make the decision?
I did not respect my needs:
I stopped painting even though I loved it as a young person. I didn?t socialize anymore even though I always was a social butterfly. But my ex-husband didn't want me to.
I didn?t go much to the beach swimming even though I loved the water. But my ex-husband was scared of water.
I did what was good for him, not for me?
And my emotions were all over the place. And most of the time I suppressed them because I was ashamed. ? I lived in TOTAL SELF DENIAL.
The benefit of loving yourself is that all of the above is met and that you are a fully functioning human being, full of wonder, curiosity, spontaneity, adventure, ?.
The Dictionary defines self-love as ?the regard for one?s own well-being and happiness?.
Fact is that most of us fall out of love with ourselves as early as under 7 years old. We learn how to play a role to better getting on with our environment in which we grow up.
The three major areas that need to be healed are:
Boundaries, Needs, Emotions
1. Boundaries
Where do you stop and where does the other person begin?
F.ex. I wanted to go out with girl friends for coffee. My ex-husband did not allow me to and I obeyed. I violated my boundary.
How do you set boundaries for yourself? SELF AWARENSS AND BEING TRUE TO YOURSELF. HAVE THE COURAGE TO SAY NO IF YOU DON?T FEEL LIKE DOING SOMETHING.
BUT know that starting to set boundaries will not go down well with your environment
2. Needs
Know what is good for you and what you need for your well-being. I needed the social contact for my happiness and yet I gave in to my ex-husband and did it as little as possible. And only when he was not at home anyway because he didn?t like me having visitors.
3. Emotions
Acknowledge your emotions, thank them that they are there and then let go of them. Don?t suppress them.
Imagine you succeed in meeting all three parts of Self Love. How rewarding will the outcome be, living a life on your terms, a life filled with adventure, curiosity, playfulness, excitement?
When the day comes that you have to farewell this plane, you will be looking back at a life with no regrets. You have given it all - how soothing and deliberating to saying your good byes!!!
Love always,
Andrea
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