Healing from Codependency, Part 4 - Emotions
After talking about Boundaries in the last video, the next logical step is to talk about Emotions. Because if you denied your boundaries growing up, then you most likely have also denied your emotions. By that I mean you have suppressed them.
There are two types: Positive and Negative Emotions
Positive Emotions:
- Broaden our attention and thinking (opportunities, flexibility?)
- Undo negative emotions (joy over stress)
- Enhance resilience (ability to cope)
- Build enhance endurance (with emotion gone, the positive effects stay)
- Trigger an upward developmental spiral (to better ourselves)
Negative Emotions:
- Initiate fundamental personality changes (trauma, personal crisis..)
- Put us in touch with our deeper selves
- Facilitate learning (through suffering or loss)
- Result in modesty and empathy
The purpose of emotions is to:
- Motivate Us to Take Action
- Help Us Survive, Thrive, and Avoid Danger
- Help Us Make Decisions
- Allow Other People to Understand Us
- Allow Us to Understand Others
Suppressing Emotions in childhood has consequences:
- If we are not allowed to feel our emotions as children, what we do is switch the emotion off entirely
Why? Because we link it to toxic shame.
- We bury the emotion and might even forget it.
Consequences of suppressing emotions (anger, sadness, grief, frustration) can lead to physical stress on your body. Clinical studies show that it can affect blood pressure, memory and self-esteem. Long term there is even an increased risk of diabetes and heart disease.
?Emotions are the end product of past experiences?, Dr. Joe Dispenza
The scientific definition is: 'Emotion is a subjective state of mind. Emotions can be reactions to internal stimuli (such as thoughts or memories) or events that occur in our environment.'
There are three parts to an emotion:
1. A subjective component (how you experience the emotion)
2. A physiological component (how your bodies react to the emotion)
3. An expressive component (how you behave in response to the emotion
A study from the University of Texas found that by not acknowledging our emotions we?re actually making them stronger.
Importance of processing emotions
- Communication
- Awareness
- Have a mirroring partner (don?t spill your emotions over anybody)
- Give yourself time
- It is new to you
- Discuss what is going on and feel it until the intensity shrinks
- Looking into your past (What emotions were you denied/permitted? Did your family have emotional discussions?)
4 step process:
1. Own it
2. Name it
3. Feel it
4. Let it go
I invite you to become more aware of your emotions and allow yourself to feel them fully to empty your emotional buckets, one by one. Only then you will feel lighter and you will have more energy for your future endaveours. Holding on to your emotions not only causes physical stress but also holds you back from reaching your potential.
Please feel free to get in touch with me if you would like to explore your emotions fully. We can do that in a FREE Strategy Session.
Until then, take care.
Love,
Andrea
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