Rise Above & Beyond | 5 Steps to the Secret of Self Love

Self Denial in the form of Lack of Self Love:

I was married for 23 years and very early on in the relationship I stepped onto the road of falling out of love with myself.

I remember us going out one night and my ex-husband starting a fight because another man had gone to the bathroom after I had gone. He didn't follow me, all he did was following a natural urge. For my ex-husband it was enough to be jealous. I chose to ignore that fact because I was so much in love with him.

What I really did, was deny myself because as part of my values I did not approve to someone acting from jealousy. For me that meant he didn?t have trust in me. I should have stepped up right there and then and not only put boundaries up to say: 'Here is the deal: I trust you, so I expect you to trust me!'

I also betrayed my Need of being loved by someone who was as trusting as I was. Second denial of myself.

Third denial of myself was: I denied my emotions. I did not show how angry I was. Instead, I stayed silent and we would not talk about that incident anymore.

3 times that I denied myself that night!!!

What has really happened with me?

1. That act of jealousy created a significant emotional event for me.

2. I blamed myself for not speaking up and talking about it.

3. I created a story, saying that omg he loves me so much and shows it by being jealous.

4. What I did, was apologize for the actions of my partner even though I condoned them.

5. By doing that, I was actually hiding from speaking up for myself, saying that I did not like him being that way out of fear he would not love me anymore.

What should I have done instead? What are the 5 steps of Self-Love, rather than the 5 steps to Lacking of Self-Love like I had done it. Let's have a look at them: While doing so, refer to your life:

1. Are you ready to reclaim your life? That means:

No more: Blaming, excuses, denying the hurt, playing the victim, drama, settling for less, being the martyr?.

2. If yes, then dump the old story. What is your current story?

Say, ?Yes, I give up my story that?.?

3. Notice the attributes you can claim instead:

Kindness

Compassion

Willingness to learn

Playfulness

Curiosity

Creativity

Joy